1. How do you feel about being a woman?
How do I feel about being a woman? I think it’s great, I mean yeah. I never really thought about it. Yeah, I mean being a mom changed everything. I used to hate my birthmark when I was younger like 15, 17 years, I don’t like it at all. I think it, people give me funny looks before, so maybe that’s why I don’t like it, and then I grow out of it like after 20 I’m like I don’t know what happened but I just can’t be bother how people look at my birthmark anymore and it’s not really awful, it’s not like some horrible red patch. Yeah, I learn to, I think that’s when I accept myself as a woman wholly.
Yeah, and I remember I used to watch a lot of Victoria’s Secret when I was 18 and I think it’s just a representation of woman’s body and sexuality. Yeah, I used to wear a lot of it, now I like I have none of it, so it’s quite extreme. I feel like my life as a woman is very extreme, like one minute is this, and the next is that, one minute I’m not pregnant and the next oh my god, I’m pregnant, it’s like there’s no in between. You have no time to change like when you change it, you think it’s like gradually you become a woman, but sometimes for some people it’s very quick, you have no time to think. So, my baby came and now I’m a mom, so yeah, so yes.
2. Well, how do you feel about your vulva, vagina, and genitals growing up?
How do I feel about it? I was raised quite like the strict conservative Catholic way, and a good Catholic girl by my mom, so I don’t have like, I don’t read much about vulvas and genitals, and I won’t say I would have like a bad relationship with it or good, it’s just neutral for me. Yeah, as I grow up, and I think all vulvas are like unique and beautiful in its own way, and when I was younger I watched porn like every little girl, I’m one of it. So, I watched now as well but what I learned now is those pornstars do like reconstruction to their genital and vulva, so it’s another misrepresentation of vulvas and genitals.
So, that’s what I grew up watching. It’s like oh my god, they have to look like this perfect. I’m Asian, so mine is not as pink as a Caucasian, mine is quite dark, oh, and that’s not very nice. Yeah, so I get, I don’t really like it. And you know when you go to the waxing parlor, they do have whitening mask, and really does that even work? No, it doesn’t. I don’t think it actually lightens very much, but yeah so this is like the things that I grow up with. Like hair, no hair, wax it all off or some hair here. Yeah, so quiet, it’s neutral relationship but like uncertain about some aspect because, yeah I don’t get a lot of exposure to other vulvas.
3. Yeah, that’s good. So, what is your relationship with your vulva, vagina, and genitals now?
Oh now? Okay, so I gave birth 19 months ago. I had natural birth and had episiotomy; it’s about 2, 3 inches. It’s very painful, and no epidural so I felt every push. It’s crazy, and I’m amazed how a baby can come out of my vagina. Its mind blowing, I’ll tell you the experience, it’s like walking to another different dimension or just oh, it’s a boy. Yeah, but no, the nurse didn’t say that.
The first thing the nurse say oh, wow your baby is so white because the father is not there, so she didn’t know a white baby is going to come out from this really dark skin Asian woman, and I think I somehow thought of like I love my vulva, genital more now and I care for it because of the trauma I go through childbirth, it’s very traumatizing, it’s just crazy and yeah.
I somehow wish I had taken photos of my vulva before I gave birth and right now. I mean I did pregnancy photoshoot and my baby bump and after I gave birth my post-partum body, photos of my baby, now this is another milestone which is taking this photoshoot of my vulva like I don’t know who does that after childbirth when you’re quite insecure, but I have reinforcement from people that it looks great and yeah, it feels great, it feels good.
4. So, do you feel it is important, it is critical or it’s not that important like your genitals to your sexuality, like you mentioned you have a partner who you are not really sexual with?
5. So, does sex have to be, it’s just reduced to our genitals, or what I’m trying to say or what role does it play, your genitals play?
Okay, yeah. So with that non-sexual partner there is not much penetrative or I mean we do go south very much. Maybe kissing, I think kissing is like could lead to a lot of things, but kissing could also end things like a bad kiss, you just stop, okay, you’re not going anywhere else. Yeah, so I feel for with him, we’re not necessarily we have to have penetrative sex, that’s for non-sexual. But it doesn’t define me as a, hold on for this, I’m a semi-sexual person, so I’m in fact very surprised why I am non-sexual with him. It’s kind of scare me why and why I’m still hanging out around him if we’re not getting down and dirty.
But I realized that there’s a lot of different aspects that could stroke the fire of my sexuality other than penis up my vagina, yeah, it’s okay, yeah, this is me in real voice and I think it’s not just the vagina when it comes to sex, but it is important. With another partner of mine which I will call him my sexual soulmate like he knows which buttons to push and it just, it’s very I will say pleasing that he wants to please and pleasure me first before anything. And yeah, I think with the vulva, I mean like you know the clitoris and everything, there’s a lot of nerve endings and it can be quite intense.
Yeah, and so yeah, I think the role of like the vulva and genital is very important for me as a sexual person, yeah, extremely important. I don’t know what I’ll do if I haven’t experienced it. I think I feel so much better being a woman and reading books about vagina literally like title vagina and learning more about my vulva and genitals, like it’s a very self-discovery, yeah and like people like a lot of other problems with their private area that I don’t face and I feel for them.
Like I remember reading a book and it’s like the way they describe how painful it is and not being able to have sex and feel disconnected from your partner, I cried, and I don’t know those women I’m sorry, I don’t know (). I read about, the book about like rape and how damaging it is psychologically to them, and it just I cannot believe what they’re going through, like sex slave and all young girls and like, so I feel so blessed, but I feel so sorry I cannot do anything for people less fortunate you know. Yeah, so I think the vulva is very important.
It’s crazy, it’s like sorry, yeah. So, there is like rape survivors, and it’s like you know your eyes is the window to your soul, so they’ve gone through like maybe multiple rapes I don’t know, like just these really bad things happened that is like soulless, yeah. The book is so good, but yeah it’s soulless and it’s all like mentally damaging and they cannot have sex anymore, and I cannot imagine being in that place, yeah. Sorry.
6. So, what do you wish you learned about your sexuality growing up?
What I wish, that we have more access to educational tools about our sexuality. I know we have sex education at school, but I don’t think that’s enough. It doesn’t make a very big impact. I don’t remember what was taught during sex education in school at all. It’s like you either experience it to find yourself, you can try to read it through books, but it’s just or like listen to podcasts or like watch YouTube videos or anything, but it doesn’t beat like experiencing it growing up like phases in your life about your sexuality.
So, I somehow kind of like wished that I did not confine myself to just Asian men when I was younger, that dating just Asian, Chinese specifically just because I think they’re socially more reliable or more responsible in some way. I have a very bad white, like just I will say stereotypical idea about foreigners, like white men in general, so that’s why I don’t touch them, I just think they want to get in my pants. Yeah, so I wish like I should have explored that territory earlier, yeah and because I explored a few years ago, not so long maybe three years ago I first like slept with like a white guy, that’s not very long ago.
And I lost my virginity at 20, so I think it’s quite late, I heard from other people. But I think there’s no right or wrong age to lose your virginity. People could lose like at 35, who cares? Like it’s when you’re ready to do something and you know, yeah and make sure you do not regret your decision, anytime you can lose it to anybody. So yeah, and I think I sort of like lost it to a dildo. I was like at that age, my god, it’s so funny and then the dildo went missing because I think my mom threw it away.
Yeah, but it just felt like growing up, I’m not sure if I will start discovering about me or like discovering my sexuality and that I’m like really sexual person at a young age will it do me good or no, so I think at late age probably is how it should be for me and everybody is different and some can be like 13, 15, there’s no fault in that although it’s illegal, yeah. So, I wish I’d explored more options when I was younger and that will have expanded my sexuality more, I think, expand it, but no instead I’m like in a short period of life, short period of time exponentially experienced like a lot because I was going through some horrible break up, heartbroken, so that’s a turning point for me and then I got pregnant, yeah.
7. So, what would you like to say to other women?
What would you like to say to other women? I don’t know what to say, I don’t know. I think every woman is very different in their own ways, and that everybody is beautiful, I mean all. That sounds like a very generic politically right answer? But it was like yeah, all colors, race and religion. Yeah, I think I always feel like woman is always fighting with each other somehow, in a sense like fighting for a man, fighting for like the best head man or like comparing, not fighting anymore, but comparing, and I think if we stop comparison and like really unite as a one and support each other, like how many you do, I think it will make the world a better place really, we’ll take over the world, I really believe, yeah.
8. So how was the shoot? How was your photoshoot?
Oh, it was great. I loved it, I mean I came in, they’ve offered me a nice warm drink and we talked about the photoshoot and they showed me some books, and it was so funny there was one with a very, it’s like quite horrible like Mother Mary and then there was a vagina like outline of the Mother Mary, I took a photo of it and I think that is like craziest cause of it, but then that kind of opened up a lot of topics and Elaine and Kelvin is very friendly, it makes me comfortable. Yeah, I mean I just met them today and I’m going to be naked in front of them. So, it’s like it sounds crazy, but yeah I had fun.
The beat felt like clouds with waves coming, so they try to make me, they make me feel as comfortable as possible, and I think for women to do this, to do like, to do photoshoot for their vulva, they have to be comfortable with themselves first to be able to feel comfortable around people, because if they are awkward even the people around them are like super comfortable, it will still be awkward. Yeah, so I’m so glad I found you. I literally told them that I texted you two days ago to say hi, I would like to contribute photos of my vulva if you need.
I think that probably made your day, and it’s like they made their day and they’re like oh my god, she’s so eager, and say we found an eager girl who wants to do it. Yeah, so I had fun. The thing is it helps to make me feel confident as well. I’m quite confident to begin with and I have some insecurity, yes before, maybe now a little bit here and there, but I mean this is quite, it’s like a milestone, like who would take photos of their vulva seriously, a baby bump, yeah, sure, all the time, but not the vulva after childbirth, so yeah. I think more women should come out and do this photoshoot as well. Yeah, thank you.