1. So, how do you feel about being a woman?
Being a woman, I just accept the fact that I’m sexually woman, even though I have a lot of, or kind of history that I refuse that aspect a lot historically, but not currently. Yes, okay, I’m just okay to accept the yeah, fact. So yeah, of course there are a lot of limitations like it’s more like more proficiently and how I raised. Yeah, it’s more like I had kind of some struggle in my childhood of my relationship to my mother. My mother actually expects a lot to me as a woman, so yeah, she actually tried to force me to appreciate somebody like being pretty, like being loved by anybody, just not really something like be or don’t look strong, don’t look capable.
So, sometimes this kind of body conflicts with my true self, so yeah, I’m more like struggling with that and try to be something else. Yeah, then I actually, I had a history of something like something having a trouble in relationships because of this. Something like my original mindset was I’m not really lovable, because my mother keeps telling me that nobody would love me or marry me because I’m too strong, too rude, too explicit, so this is kind of my dark side of my history of being a woman.
But recently I had a child. This experience was so amazing. Yeah, I really loved every moment and actually helped me a lot to go back to myself. After being a mother, I physically somewhat forced to admit accept that my, sorry, my husband.
Forced to accept, because my body changed. Forced to admit that I am woman.
Body changed and also my mind actually followed. Like I was more like I’m forced to be more honest to myself and actually yeah, when I had a baby at the same time I was quite busy with my work, but then sometimes I had a huge difficulty in touching up the work because of my body was not really yeah, as usual, and I was quite weaker and I also needed to take care of my baby, so this kind of physical constraint affected me to be honest to my body and mind.
Which is something I was not really into hardworking in a more like competitive corporate world. Then yeah, I somewhat naturally started the practice of meditation then I saw me, myself is not at all liking the profession, then decided to leave the job. Hence, actually our experience () kind of a massive experience as a woman, mother really helped me to go back to myself.
2. Beautiful. So, how do you feel about your vulva, vagina, genitals growing up? How do you feel about down here growing up?
I see. Actually, I naturally had a habit to masturbate myself, very naturally. Yeah, I find out that it’s not very normal for a aging women, but I really had naturally how to yes, obtain the habit to masturbate myself and yeah, first it was just a slit. When I was really small, I just recognized it is just a slit. But as I explored myself, I find that that’s more than a slit. Yeah, then I naturally discovered the kind a clitoris, it was kind of a sweet.
Yeah, I try all to stimulate in many ways. At first finger was not really enough for me then I actually, I applied the shower then yeah, the experience was quite yeah, amusing. Then because in the shower it’s really had a limitation like because I have a limited time for the showering and if I take longer time my parents may find discover that I’m doing something in appropriate, so I really discovered how to kind of satisfy myself with the finger.
Like this way I yeah, I was really curious to explore my genital area and but something like I at the same time I researched about the things then yeah, I learned. I need to kind of keep the opportunity at the same time. So, I really didn’t touch to that kind or am I right to see the vagina as a hole, right? Vagina. So, I really avoided touching the vagina. But actually, I sometime read some kind of advertisement over the tampon, then I found out okay using tampon never kind of harms my virginity, so I try it by myself when I had a period on the day I was meeting my friend to go to the pool, then I know where my mother was hiding the tampon, I pick up one and try out.
It was a little bit scary, but I trusted the instruction on the tampon, then it actually worked a lot. Then after that my mother was so surprised that I started to use it, but I felt a kind of sense of achievement. Achievement means like a I wouldn’t be affected even I was in period, I can still swim and enjoy my life, so yeah. This is the one, then the tampon never affects my virginity. Then, so something like this is a part journey on my life with the vagina or genital area. Then yeah, and the next something like some turning point comes when I had a past sex with my ex-boyfriend, I never bleed, I had no bleeding.
Then my ex-boyfriend doubted my virginity, I was so shocked. Probably I know bleeding maybe I was quite flexible in my body maybe that is why. So, I went to the library and really researched to kind of even know the relationship with virginity and the bleeding. And I found out, I finally found out some books, some medical book, I don’t know what actually there could be no bleeding when according to the something like the women’s flexibility and all that, then I remember that I showed the fact to my ex-boyfriend. Yeah, but these days as I grow older since last 5 years or something, I became more and more sexually you know really active.
The thing is okay, when I was younger, I had no problem in wetting. My area can easily turned wet, but these days I had huge difficulty in something or getting wet, and that’s where I actually started to work hard on making baby with my husband. So, I needed to buy cum lubricant and I found here in Singapore, there’s no really kind of product, the quality is not really good, I explored the online shopping for a better one.
Yes, so these days I more or less, I’m less sexuality more like active and when I try my masturbation, I take less time, and I can easily get orgasm, but it’s quick, subtle and short while. So, now I feel my, this area is aging, then now I’m in the midst of the process of accepting the aging as a woman, yeah.
3. Thank you. So, how do you feel about your genitals now?
Just now, it’s growing up is now. Yes, I was aging. Then less active sexually. I’m not sure whether this is healthy or not mentally.
4. How do you feel?
Yeah, sometimes, not really freaking, but sometimes actually I missed the feeling of sexually active. But maybe I think now I’m trying to understand that that is a kind of () yeah, () just occasional this is just one of the period of my life, sexual life and I don’t know how it turns, changes, go back to active or just stay inactive or will become more or less active, I don’t know, but so far yeah, I just decided it’s okay and somewhat because my husband is also not that sexually active, so maybe I think yeah, it’s good to be not really active if I want, prefer to stay with him. Yeah, I do.
5. So what role do you think our vulva, vagina, genitals play in your sexuality or what role do you think your genitals play in your sexuality?
Importance, not important? Sexuality, it is important. But I wouldn’t say that it is the most important part. Every part of my body actually have an important role as a woman. Yes, just one of the most important parts, but just one.
6. Okay. So, what do you wish you learned about your sexuality growing up?
Wish you Learned, in the past you mean? I’m actually, I have struggled in accepting myself. But struggle I think I was quite sexually quite open. It’s really weird to me. I think I feel I’m less accepting myself compared to other people, but I’m still open sexually. So, something like yeah, I was blessing the opportunity to sexually accepting myself. So, actually I was okay with my entire history of sexuality. So yes, I never think it could be better. I’m good as good as I am, I have been.
7. So, do you wish you learned anything?
Okay. Just by curiosity yeah, if I had some kind of opportunity to be sexually intimate to the same sex it maybe amusing, yeah.
8. What would you like to say to other women?
Women? Luckily or unluckily our gender is supposedly to be more like suppressive and secondary role in the society, but I wish, let’s something like, yeah, let’s celebrate. Yeah, but sexually I think or physically our body is interesting compared to guys I think. So yeah, let’s stay proud to be a woman despite of the secondary social role in most of the societies.
9. That’s great. So, how was your photoshoot?
Okay, I still don’t know whether I worked well or not. I just tried to stay natural and I trust Kelvin, it’s () capture my natural aspect. So, I still don’t know until I see the actual picture.
10. How do you feel about it?
Oh, okay. It’s quite natural. It’s surprisingly natural and this environment was near perfect for me to open up myself, but maybe I actually still, I still kept, maybe keeping my sexual aspect. So, I think I believed I was open, but I’m not sure how much I was sexually open, like because something like he photoshoot my genital area, right? But I never tried to look at it. I actually most of the time I kept looking away from like (). This means I think this might mean that I was a bit, not really something like open to myself, something like you know I may not be opening my sexual part to myself. Let’s see how I look in the picture.